we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
