bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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