really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize