so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
