her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
