Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
