I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I supernannyed him into submission
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
