Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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