did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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