I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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