Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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