some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
