I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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