Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
