Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
