I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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