you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
