98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
