If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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