chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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