Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
