I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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