You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
