Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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