If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
