Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
