Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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