Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
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And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
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I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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