Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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