i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Randomize
