Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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