I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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