At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
