If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
