Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I wear drunk well.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
