i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
