oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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