ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
