i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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