when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
