Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize