so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
