I CAN MOONWALK!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
