I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
