have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
