i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
