my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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