I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
