Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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