life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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