Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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