no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
