Soap is not a condiment
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
