OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
