My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize