she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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