U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
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In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
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Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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