i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
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I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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