Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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