This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
