im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
