Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
