my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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