That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
